Anyone who works with kids, especially the little ones, knows how frickin hiliarous they are. I wish could grade them on humor, they’d all get A’s.
"cloud gets full, and its ABOUT TO GO DOWN." (I read that one in a Kevin Hart voice. She was talking about rain, and I know this because I had to ask.)
I will start writing the things they say to me because people need to hear it.
I love my job. Sure, it is a bit difficult and stressful at time. The kids are off the wall excited with the fact that their teacher is gone. You know, the whole “while the cat is away, the mice will play.” Whatever scary thing you are thinking of subbing for a regular teacher I have seen it: the name switch game, the desk switch game, the attitude game, the “we totally can use these manipulatives and not clean up after ourselves”, the “we don’t speak English” sch-peel, I have experienced it all.
However, there are great things to being a sub. And before I begin, I must say a couple of things as a sub and for my fellow subs. A) We ARE teachers, and we have gone to school to major in education and the different methods of teaching and getting students to succeed in learning. Stop treating us like babysitters. B) We are people. I am so lucky to work for schools that have asked and REMEMBERED my name. Nothing worse than feel like a warm body. Finally, C) We will never be as cool as Jack Black in School of Rock.That is both a good thing and a tragic thing. School of Rock is my favorite teacher movie because both the students and teacher learn about themselves and from each other and…. rock-n-roll!
Ok, the perks of being a substitute teacher:
1. Change of scenery.
If you are starting to feel like a robot at the office, I am sorry. Sometimes its good to change it up a bit. I have been in almost every grade and subject, and each time is a new deal.
2. I am stealing your very best ideas.
A veteran teacher once told me to teach like a pirate, and steal from other teachers. She didn’t mean LITERALLY stealing, but taking my phone and snapping a pic of the awesome things they have in their classroom whether anchor charts, routines, class set up, etc.
As in, we have less to do. A LOT less. Sorry teachers, you have the toughest job but I don’t envy the paperwork part.
4. ARTS AND CRAFTS.
Shame on you if you didn’t appreciate arts and crafts when you were younger. Starting about middle school, everything is text and no art. When I get a class with the youngins, I’ll color right with them.
5. FREE snacks.
Preschool gets snacks. Elementary gets free breakfast. Some teachers have candy stashes. I will admit I stuck my paw in there and stole a dumdum. Sorry. Days I’m less than sorry: Holidays. Halloween, Valentines, Christmas. Score.
6. Singing not so well.. and they dont care.
The national anthem is hard for first graders. And for me too. But they dont care. They’re rocking out, and I am too.
7. You like me, you really like me!
The last and my favorite thing about being a sub is that being in so many classes, I know a lot of kids, and they know me. So when they wave and say hello, it makes me happy. Almost every kids knows me, and that’s awesome. Teachers get one class every year, I get all of them throughout the year.
Work isnt so bad when you find the good things. What are the perks of your job?
Mom, looking at pizza: “Hey, they put nopales on here!”
Me: “Uhhh.. no.. ma…those are green peppers.”
Pizza hut, expand your ingredient list, lol.
I can play a beautiful little whistle that drives all the dogs crazy. They call me Lil Wheezy. I am an asthma/allergy sufferer and I am not alone.
If you have gotten out the hot glue gun to bedazzle the inhaler, or you’re on that nebulizer, puff puff puffing out that albuterol, you will definitely know what I’m talking about.
Here are the top ten things that we can do without.
It is not to godliness, it is next to demonic-ness (?) Having the great idea to dust books yesterday was probably the worst idea I’ve ever had. I vote ‘no’ to any cleaning, even dishes.
WHY? as in WHY aren’t we taking the elevator? or WHY are you trying to talk to me while I make this painful journey? WHY are my lungs so weak? WHY?
One perfume is nice, especially when you follow the two-spritz rule. Walking into the subway with twenty different cheap body sprays that immediately start burning your eyes and lungs is not so nice. It’s evil.
cigs. smokes. cancer sticks. cigarettes. whatever you call them add ‘asthma activator’ to that list. I could come up with something cooler, if I wasn’t coming up for air. Put it out.
I get that summertime sadness. I envy that dewy looking girl frolicking on the beach. It’s a sauna, I’m sweaty, and my lungs are prunes.
I bet you think I’m a cat person. Well, you’d be right. If I carried a wallet, this would be the time I’d let the pictures drop to the ground while I tell you stories of my feline friends. However, sometimes we need alone time, for the sake of my lungs. If you think their puking sound wakes the dead, come listen to my hacking sound when a hair has triggered my allergies.
There are times when laughter is not the best medicine. It’s an anti-medicine.I may be currently suffering an asthma attack to come up with something more clever. My fellow asthma nerds can attest of the horrible transition from laughing attack to asthma attack. Keep your humor at home, people.
The saying ‘Sharing is Caring’ should apply to three things: money, food, and couch space. My unholy times of great asthma come when cold season brings in the sneezes and coughing in small spaces. More CTA grossness.
9. Saying “just breathe” during an asthma attack.
I’m sorry, is that what I’m supposed to do? Thank you so much for bringing your PhD into my bubble while I gasp like a stupid fish of out water. I think my asthma is cured forever that you have given me that piece of advice. Lungs WORK!
10. Albuterol flavored albuterol.
Why does cough syrup get all the fun? Add some flavoring into my pump, please.
-2nd grader, who obviously does not approve of lazy hairstyles for the busy girljackson. lol”